Today, I Chose To Write About Love.

Valentine’s Day is around the corner. In the spirit of “love”, I’ve opened up on how I view this phenomenon and what it means to me.

Today, I want to write about love. But, I’m not sure where to start.

Because, what can one say about this…experience that totally changes your heart? Valentine’s Day is around the corner and, of course, we’re all talking about love.

How wonderful it is. How painful it can be. How we wish it stayed. How it is such a mystery.

What is it about love? What is it about this thing that makes us want it and almost despise it at the same time? There’s a whole day dedicated to  ̶f̶̶̶i̶̶̶l̶̶̶l̶̶̶i̶̶̶n̶̶̶g̶̶̶ ̶̶̶t̶̶̶h̶̶̶e̶̶̶ ̶̶̶p̶̶̶o̶̶̶c̶̶̶k̶̶̶e̶̶̶t̶̶̶s̶̶̶ ̶̶̶o̶̶̶f̶̶̶ ̶̶̶c̶̶̶a̶̶̶p̶̶̶i̶̶̶t̶̶̶a̶̶̶l̶̶̶i̶̶̶s̶̶̶t̶̶̶s̶̶̶  love, and we’ve been speaking about it since the 26th of December.

What is it about love?

When I think about this sensation..this experience…this chain (because Lord knows once love catches you, it’s not trying to be released), the only words that come to mind are from Brene Brown:

To love is to be vulnerable.

I hear the word “vulnerable” and I think of pain. Because what could hurt more than letting your guard down and telling someone, “See. This is me,” not knowing whether they’ll wrap you with warmth, or leave you worse off.

To love is to be vulnerable.

Have you ever felt the intensity of love? 

Have you ever found your heart pounding, your body restless, and your mind racing, all because of love?

Has love ever woken you up? Shocked you?

I’ll be honest with you. Love scares me.

You see, it’s easy to talk about love when it brings you butterflies, makes you smile, and has you posting multiple heart-eyed emojis daily. But you have to accept that this isn’t the whole truth. 

No matter how much we may fight it, love is ever-changing ground.

Happy today. Strange tomorrow. Sometimes painful, too.

I’ve chosen to divide what love means to me, in 5 parts. Maybe you’ll relate.

To me:

Love is a risk

To open up your heart, let someone in, and also commit to exploring their world, means unveiling layers you usually keep closed. 

To love is to let someone into the places you reserve for yourself. It’s letting go of your guard and doing the things you don’t usually do. 

It’s looking silly. It’s laughing unrestrained. It’s going to the bathroom while they’re in the lounge. It’s showing them your anxiety. It’s revealing layers. 

Love is a risk because you lower your guard, hoping that you won’t be met with missiles. You can never know for sure how it will go. 

What is life without risk?

Imagine living such a careful life, to avoid disaster, you end up missing any chance at experiencing the fullness of life itself.

Love can go any way. And it’s on you to decide whether it’s worth it or not

Love is a journey

Where you start and where you end, when you let love in you won’t know.

But love will leave you a different person. Sometimes for the better – sometimes not. As you and the one whom you choose to share this journey with, take it day by day, you create a new stop on the map, a new road along the way, another mile on the meter. 

You experience each other at your highs, individually, together… 

You hold each other during the lows. 

You pick up the pieces after the times you cause them. You bandage each other when the wounds come up. 

And you get up each day, choosing to see where love will take you next.

Love can be pain…

We must remember that we grow in different homes. We don’t always get to grow up whole. Sometimes, our scars inflict pain. 

Our insecurities. 

Our tempers. 

Our fears. 

Sometimes we hurt each other, accidentally…sometimes intentionally. 

When you lay your heart bare before another, understand that as amazing as you may both be in each other’s eyes, there are times this sensitivity…this softness…will be mishandled. And it will hurt. 

There will be days you realize they are not the oasis you think they are, and you will remain parched. Disappointment scratching your throat. 

Love can hurt. But it should not kill you. 

A love that seeks to harm, intentionally and deliberately, is not the pain we excuse. It is not a pain to tell to stay. When love tries to take your life, beloved the love you have for yourself must overcome you so you can walk away.

 But even in simple love, love where you breathe life into each other, comes with pains. But it does not mean it will always stay. Because as much as love hurts…

Love also heals

As we come from different homes that put cracks in our “whole”, we also learn how to create warmth. 

We learn how to soothe wounds and grow fresh roots. 

We help in healing each other. 

With simple hugs, silent embraces, and affirming words that remind each other of why this earth rejoices at every breath you take. Love heals, too. 

It’s the “I’m sorry” after an argument, and the clear signs of changed behavior. It’s sending care packages before exams, during periods, and after a hard day at work. It’s breakfast in bed. It’s “I hear you”. It’s showing one another that you are seen. 

When love seeks to help and not to harm, you can see it. Thought times may be tough and doubts abound, a love that heals is what helps you both say, “One more day.” over and over again. 

Sometimes, a love that heals is also knowing when to let go.

Love can end.

I’m a firm believer in endless love.

I don’t believe that there is only one person for you. In this world of 7 billion? Only one heart is yours? That is cruel. 

I don’t think we’ll meet every heart that could be ours, and the few we meet might not always be the end.

 We live in a world where time can be faster than our expectations, situations throw certainty out the window, and sometimes love isn’t enough. Sometimes, two hearts cannot sustain it and out of the love they have for one another, they realize that the journey needs to end so that they can continue to grow, alone. There is no shame in a love that ends. 

And it will take time for you to be grateful that it passed you by. And sometimes you’ll wish you never met it, because the pain is just that much. Sometimes, love ends, and it’s okay. It doesn’t mean that’s the end for you though. There is new love ahead, maybe just..not right now. Not today. 

The heartbreak that comes from an ended love is enough to make people move countries, learn new languages, and cut off all their hair. Heartache from love drives people to write books, sing songs, and take hikes up Everest. Heartache from love makes one wonder why they opened up in the first place. But does it stop us from trying again? Usually…no.

Because no matter how many upsets, hiccups, and mishaps we encounter in the name of love…

Love is still worth it.

If I asked you to share your experiences with love, I’m sure you’ll have a volume of tales to give me. 

From seeing it on those sucrose-sweet happy-ending films, to reading about it in those books your mother told you not to read. 

From thinking you’d found it when you first saw their face in year 5, to feeling it the first time the two of you held hands. 

From regretting the times you gave it a chance, to throwing yourself into its arms again. I’m sure we all have our stories – and the scars to back them up, too. 

What is it about love that makes us keep searching? 

After recovering from the gutter, we find the strength to try again. We meet someone else and suddenly, we have hope again.

Accepting that it may hurt, and hoping that the healing will abound. We know what we’re signing up for the moment we let those words slip. The moment we feel it coursing through our veins.

To love is to be vulnerable.

To be vulnerable is to risk. Risk more pain. But we do it over and over again. We love because despite the mishaps, we believe that this is worth it.

 We see that it can be. We want it to be. And I don’t think there is any shame in that. 

You don’t need to be ashamed for wanting to love and to be loved. But it is on you to make sure that your heart is healthy enough to give and to receive.

So, this weekend as we prepare for the phenomenon that is Valentine’s Day, I hope you get a chance to think about love and what it means to you. I hope you are met with warmth and hope, even if, presently, you are alone.

I hope that you get to fully experience the gift that is a healing love. 

I hope that you find a love that feels like home.

From 2020, With Love: 6 Lessons I’m Carrying Into 2021

Reflections on 2020: the year we never asked for, never expected, but survived nonetheless.

If you want a quick summary of this article click here.


What a year.

We’ve lost so many people this year. To COVID-19. To cancer. To accidents. To illnesses. To suicide. To police brutality.

What a year.

We processed grief together. We questioned life alone. We fought for human rights and saw the raw evil that is systemic oppression.

What a year.

And still, we tried to find a way to make the most of this season. We tried to revive Christmas. We tried to hope.

What a year.

And to think, it didn’t start this way.

January 2020 looked like hope. It looked like real, tangible hope. You could feel it everywhere you went.

Social media was teeming with threads on Vision Boards, Setting Goals, and Levelling Up. This was meant to be the year.

The year we were getting new jobs, getting our money right, and kissing the nightmare that was 2019, goodbye.

The hype only lasted a week.

In January alone, World War 3 almost broke, Australia was on fire, a volcano erupted in the Philippines, Turkey experienced an earthquake, locusts invaded Eastern Africa, and we lost Kobe and Gigi. The coronavirus was well under way, and that hope started shaking.

We chested January and thought, “Okay, that was bad. But it’ll get better.”

Narrator: It did not get better.

You know how the rest of the story goes. By March, most of the world was in lockdown and life stopped looking normal. Jobs, dreams, and plans were put on pause, supermarkets ran out of toilet paper and we started baking bread.

Somewhere in the middle of the year life returned to a pseudo-normal for a bit but as it stands, we’re all at home again and COVID-19 is not letting up.

2020 was a surprise breakthrough year for a lot of people, too. New businesses. New jobs. Loads of marriages (did I miss the town hall where we agreed that this is what we were going to be doing?). And even babies!

What a year.

We all have different stories to tell when we’re asked about 2020.

I summed up mine in these 6 lessons:

1. Plans were not meant to be set in stone

People had plans this year. And when those plans were forced to take a backseat to survival and adaptation, most of us didn’t know what to do.

I’m sure we haven’t forgotten the feelings of grief and confusion that occupied our chests as we tried to figure out where on earth to start.
Some of us had just started jobs that were meant to change everything…and then they were snatched away.


There were many of us who were looking forward to relocating to a new country for a fresh start…and then the world shut down.
Relationships were thrown into disarray and life stopped making sense. Weddings cancelled, engagements postponed, birthdays hushed…

We lost the plans we were looking forward to and had to settle for Zoom, Twitter, and banana bread.

I remember my own pain.

In the heap of grief and frustration, I looked at my vision board. I sighed many times as I deleted the planner I’d designed for this year. I responded to reversed job offers with, “It’s okay. I understand. We never expected this to happen.”

I mourned. I waited. I cried.

But at some point, I realized that this wasn’t going to go away. The uncertainty. My dead plans were not going to come to life.

I had to accept that things were not going to go the way I’d hoped and it was time to adjust. Because that is part of our lives. That is our reality.

We will make plans, we will fill them with the highest of our hope, but that won’t stop them from changing. And we need to prepare for that – not with baited, anxious breath.

But, rather, with an understanding that change happens, life can turn upside down, and we will be required to adapt.

Which brings me to the next lesson:

2. If you can’t control it, wing it.

In a year like 2020, you come to realize that you’re going to have to become comfortable with leaping when you don’t know what’s waiting for you below.

You have to become comfortable with taking risks.

Think about it: At one point, doing the weekly grocery run was a risk. We didn’t know if we’d come back from the store without picking up the virus.

But we still went. Because we knew that it had to be done…otherwise how were we going to eat?

And though the end-result differed for each of us, we still chose to keep going to the store. We kept taking the chance. We did it afraid.

This was a scary year. It still is.

Things we thought were safe fell from our grasp and suddenly, nothing made sense.

Anytime we caught our breath, something else would happen.

How many times did you find yourself crying out, “When will this end?

There were times where it was hard to enjoy the good moments. If you’re someone who deals with anxiety, then you know this feeling very well.

So, to curb the overwhelm and cope better, we created our own, personal safe houses.

Schedules and systems that involved no risk at all. That required as little redirection as possible and no need for taking chances. We reduced our hope to minimal levels in order to cope. And for a while it worked.

But, safe houses only feel good for a little while. Until you realize that you’ve been cooped up for so long, you’ve missed out on your life.

The truth is: even when this pandemic is over, you’ll find yourself still having to take chances.

Having to hope. Having to leap without knowing how it will pan out.

And you’ll have to leave the safe house because that house is not life. You can keep it for the days you need to rest and just be, but you cannot make it your home.

This year has taught us how fleeting this life is. How quickly things change…and end. The time you have is a gift.

And I believe the only way to live that time out is with as much intention as possible.

You can do that by:

3. Making the most of the things you can control

I’m the type of person who doesn’t like not being in control.

Now, I won’t be the person to engineer things to work in my favor, no. But I like being in situations where I’m familiar with the odds. I like to know what I’m walking into.

Enter: 2020.

I’ve found myself in situations where there was nothing I could do to change the circumstances, or even fix the outcomes. My anxiety peaked so many times throughout this year, I can’t even think of individual moments to use as examples.

My response to overwhelming situations used to be “Freeze and Sleep”.

I’d become listless until something magcally worked out. A reaction like that only works in the short-term. You can’t freeze and sleep when you’re unemployed, got bills due, and money from home isn’t an option.

This year I finally learned to pay attention to the quote, “Focus on the things you can control, and leave the rest to God.” And if you don’t believe in God, still focus on the things you can control.

So in overwhelming situations, where I knew there was nothing else I could do, I’d work on what was within my grasp and accept what was out of my reach.

For example, when I was painfully unemployed, I knew I couldn’t force anyone to give me a job. So, instead, I focused on what I could:

  1. Trailing job boards and applying to everything that fit my scope
  2. Constantly reviewing and updating my CV and freelancer profiles
  3. Putting my best foot forward in all my interviews
  4. Taking courses & reading books to improve my writing and marketing skills

I’m big on the “Preparation Meets Opportunity” mantra and I’ve tried to apply it in my life where possible.

When you focus on the things you can control, you’re preparing yourself for the good outcomes you’re looking for.

It’s definitely way better than freezing and sleeping….though stress naps do have their benefits…on occasion.

Another lesson from this year, had less to do with practical skills and much more to do with emotions:

4. Anger has its place…but know when to show it the door.

This lesson was personal.

I’m well acquainted with most of my emotions – happiness, joy, sadness, angst, love, excitement, and the ones in between. But one emotion I’ve never sat with, never given the time of day, is anger.

You see, my personality revolves around trying to look on the brighter side of life while doing anything I can to avoid conflict and uncomfortable moments. So, any form of anger I experience is often shoved under the rug and left there until further notice.

But, the problem with sweeping things under rug is this:

The moment you do, you relinquish your ability to control how and when it comes out. And when it comes out…it’s never pretty.

Anger made me bolder and brazen, yes.

But it also flared up my anxiety, worsened my angst, and left me lashing out left, right, and center. I recently had to own up and apologize to someone who was the main recipient of this anger.

When he called me out on it, I had two choices:

  1. Double down, throw blame, and justify my rage (because that’s what it really was)
  2. Or actually own up to the fact that, even if I felt hurt or aggrieved, my anger had hurt him and a lot of my acting out was unnecessary.

I’m glad I chose option 2.

It also helped me realize that while we’re encouraged to be angry, I think we need to be sure that anger doesn’t blind us. Blind us to the point where our actions cause more harm than good.

That doesn’t mean you should stifle anger and ignore it.

No, you’re angry because something happened to you, or someone else, and you’re not okay with what happened. Maybe you were hurt. Maybe you were harmed. Don’t disregard that anger, it is valid and should be felt. It should be expressed.

But, as the title of this section says, anger has its place. Give it room to speak, to be felt, to be acknowledged. However, do not let it overstay its welcome.

Because more often than not, this is when we end up becoming no better than the people who harmed us.

And where you get a chance to heal through your anger and make amends (not out of force, but only where it is possible), please do.

This life is short and tomorrow is not guaranteed.

Which brings me to my second last lesson:

5. Love on your people. Love on them as much as you can.

Life is short.

Painfully short.

This year has robbed us of so many people.

We’ve lost people we looked up to. It feels like Death was the theme of the year, and everytime we’ve tried to come to terms with it…someone else goes.

Don’t wait for the next time you’ll see someone to tell them what they mean to you. Don’t put off that phone call, text, etc. I know this message is everywhere, but it is for a reason.

We need to be intentional about the way we treat the people we love. This is one place where procrastination can’t work. This is one place where we can’t keep saying “Tomorrow”. Tomorrow isn’t promised and it hurts to think of it.

Give your people their flowers while they’re alive. While they can respond to you. If you have conflict in your life that you can resolve, do it if you still care for that person.

Don’t let tragedy strike before you realize the importance of forgiveness and reconciliation.

Love on your people as much as you can. Until it tires them. And I hope you receive all the love you deserve, too.

6. Lastly, be kind about your progress. You remind yourself of your failures enough.

The end of the year is a time where people start thinking about ways they can do better.

Progress and performance reviews are done, shortcomings are analyzed, and more goals are created.

But, can you make time to acknowledge and dwell on the good progress you’ve made this year? Can you take stock of the areas you got things right, no matter how small, and give yourself credit for what you’ve done?

This has been a heavy year, even with the wins and accomplishments. While you may want to forget this year and turn 2021 into the year 2020 should have been, take time to sit in your progress and acknowldge that what you did was remarkable.

You survived. You pushed through. You gave life another chance.

Those aren’t small wins, friend. Treat yourself with the celebration you deserve.

And one last reminder:

You’re in the middle of a pandemic that changed everything. Of course you’re stressed, disoriented, and exhausted.

You have woken up to terrifying headlines, day in and day out. You’ve had hope snatched from you and nothing was given to replace it. You’ve lost in ways that can’t be described.

But you’ve also won.

You’ve chosen to give each day another chance, even if this was done with a bare sliver of energy.

You’ve chosen to show up. To find ways to make up for the setbacks. You’ve tried.

You’ve rested. You’ve acknowledged your limits. You’ve listened to your body.

The year ahead is one filled with hope…and angst. Will it be 2020+? Will we lose even more? Will we get to see “normal” again?

I don’t know. I wish I had answers. There’s only one thing I want to be certain about.

You’re going to be okay. We’re going to be okay.

We’ll cry our tears. We’ll laugh until our cheeks hurt. And we will wake up everyday and find a way to give life another chance.

We will be okay.

Week 2 Recap: I’m Not Sure If This Was a Good Idea

Last week was a lot and here are more of my thoughts.

“Chipo, are you sure about this?” – Self

Another week, another chance to find my way through this thing.

Last week started off really well, but a couple of major curved balls led to two posts and nothing from Wednesday to Friday.

There’s no need to embellish my observations. Last week was hard and I wasn’t able to meet my goal of five posts a week.

But, it hasn’t stopped me from showing up today.

Sometimes, I find myself thinking,

“Why on earth did I agree to this challenge in the first place?” 

I’ll be honest and admit that I’m writing this with a bit of angst in my chest. You’d think, after 2 or 3 years of being vulnerable online, I’d be used to this.

I’m a firm believer in sharing all parts of the process, but I am human too. The thought of saying, 

“Hey, guys. So last week didn’t work out either,” makes me feel nervous because who wants to admit that they’re “failing”?

The anxiety in me pictures the ones shaking their heads thinking, “Girl, give it a rest you aren’t ready.” And while I may never encounter these people face-to-face, the thought still daunts me. No one likes showing their mistakes in front of the world – even if the world is 30 – 40 readers.

I guess it’s part of the conditioning that comes with “Hustle” culture. You have to have everything together at all times.

But, I can’t blame hustle culture alone. There is also the part of me that questions when will I get this right? When does this process become a well-oiled machine?

I’ll be honest and admit that I’ve wondered if I’m ready for this. Did I start too early? Should this have waited?

Simple answer: No.

As I share my fears, doubts, and concerns, I can also acknowledge the stubborn resilience in me. The side of me that says:

This stuff happens. Carry on.

Last week’s post was about the reality of starting a project and dear reader, you have a front-row seat to my experience. It makes me uncomfortable, but it pushes me to be accountable, too.

By the time the end of the week came through, I knew that there was more work to be done. But first, I needed to lay off the work and take a break.

On Thursday evening, I closed my word processor and accepted that no social media or blogging was going to be done. My mind was shot, my schedule was a mess, and I knew it was time to throw in the towel – for the week.

This is what my process looked like, and maybe it’ll help you navigate your troublesome moments too.

When to temporarily throw in the towel:

  1. Evaluate the situation for what it is

Put your go-getter mentality aside, take a look at what you’re really dealing with, and understand what it is doing to you physically, mentally, and emotionally.

  1. Spell out the conclusions for yourself

This is another way of saying you need to accept that things are not working out and instead of trying to fight through it, you need to pause. Sometimes resistance doesn’t mean “fight back harder”, it means stop fighting and let go.

  1. Ignore the guilt that will try to pull you back

Taking a step back, or putting things on hold, will trigger feelings of doubt. Hold on to your decision to pause everything and follow through. Remind yourself that you need this break.

4. Indulge in activities that bring you joy and rest

This is the time to listen to your body, pay attention to the state of your mind, and let yourself be. Watch a few series, take a nap, read a book (for pleasure), plug a podcast, etc.

5. Try again

This is happens after you’ve allowed yourself to rest. If you want to see your idea live past the initial stages, you’re going to have to get used to trying again many times. I’m learning this reality all over again.

Last week may have only seen two posts out, but I’ve managed to make changes in my personal and professional life that will allow for easier navigation. I spent the weekend identifying a system that would work for me.

This week is for testing it out and so far it’s working. The test will be how I handle this week’s midweek madness. Until then, I’ll keep focusing on how to make this process work for me – and you, of course.

Last week started off really well, but a couple of major curved balls led to two posts and nothing from Wednesday to Friday.

There’s no need to embellish my observations. Last week was hard and I wasn’t able to meet my goal of five posts a week.

But, it hasn’t stopped me from showing up today.

Sometimes, I find myself thinking,

“Why on earth did I agree to this challenge in the first place?” 

I’ll be honest and admit that I’m writing this with a bit of angst in my chest. You’d think, after 2 or 3 years of being vulnerable online, I’d be used to this.

I’m a firm believer in sharing all parts of the process, but I am human too. The thought of saying, 

“Hey, guys. So last week didn’t work out either,” makes me feel nervous because who wants to admit that they’re “failing”?

The anxiety in me pictures the ones shaking their heads thinking, “Girl, give it a rest you aren’t ready.” And while I may never encounter these people face-to-face, the thought still daunts me. No one likes showing their mistakes in front of the world – even if the world is 30 – 40 readers.

I guess it’s part of the conditioning that comes with “Hustle” culture. You have to have everything together at all times.

But, I can’t blame hustle culture alone. There is also the part of me that questions when will I get this right? When does this process become a well-oiled machine?

I’ll be honest and admit that I’ve wondered if I’m ready for this. Did I start too early? Should this have waited?

Simple answer: No.

As I share my fears, doubts, and concerns, I can also acknowledge the stubborn resilience in me. The side of me that says:

This stuff happens. Carry on.

Last week’s post was about the reality of starting a project and dear reader, you have a front-row seat to my experience. It makes me uncomfortable, but it pushes me to be accountable, too.

By the time the end of the week came through, I knew that there was more work to be done. But first, I needed to lay off the work and take a break.

On Thursday evening, I closed my word processor and accepted that no social media or blogging was going to be done. My mind was shot, my schedule was a mess, and I knew it was time to throw in the towel – for the week.

This is what my process looked like, and maybe it’ll help you navigate your troublesome moments too.

When to temporarily throw in the towel:

  1. Evaluate the situation for what it is

Put your go-getter mentality aside, take a look at what you’re really dealing with, and understand what it is doing to you physically, mentally, and emotionally.

  1. Spell out the conclusions for yourself

This is another way of saying you need to accept that things are not working out and instead of trying to fight through it, you need to pause. Sometimes resistance doesn’t mean “fight back harder”, it means stop fighting and let go.

  1. Ignore the guilt that will try to pull you back

Taking a step back, or putting things on hold, will trigger feelings of doubt. You’re going to question your decisions – why you started, should you have started, are you a quitter, etc. Ride the wave, but stick to your decision.

  1. Indulge in activities that bring you joy and rest

This is where you listen to your body

  1. Try again

If you want to see your idea live past the initial stages, you’re going to have to get used to trying again many times. I’m learning this reality all over again.

Last week may have only seen two posts out, but I’ve managed to make changes in my personal and professional life that will allow for easier navigation. I spent the weekend identifying a system that would work for me.

This week is for testing it out and so far it’s working. The test will be how I handle this week’s midweek madness. Until then, I’ll keep focusing on how to make this process work for me – and you, of course.

Lockdown Lifted: Life on the Other Side

The truth is…I’m still a bit scared.

artsy-solomon-nappy-

There’s an air of elation on the island as the government released an update on the lifted lockdown. By the end of this week, most businesses (including restaurants, hotels, and casinos) will be up and running.

By the 1st of June, most public facilities will be open and life will be relatively normal. This is the moment we’ve all been waiting for, after two months of intense indoor life.

You’d think that I’d be out on the roads right now, marveling at how far we’ve come.

But, to be honest, I’m still struggling to adjust.

Some parts of my mind have not accepted that the lockdown is over. It could be because most of my online peers are in locations where restrictions are still in place, or maybe it’s because I’ve only left the house twice to do my weekly shopping, but I’m still in “Vigilant Mode”.

Some may applaud this attitude of mine because the pandemic is still going on and we “can’t rest yet”. But a  part of me does wonder if my mind is still processing the intensity of what we went through.

I think a lot of us will have those moments of hesitation. We’ll find that our fear will overwhelm our relief and that’s okay.

Because this global pandemic is and was a traumatic experience.

The world came to a standstill with no warning and we were (and still are) processing it all at the same time. We’re all waiting for answers and the eventual end of it. It’s hard to think that while I live in an area with 0 active cases, there are countries with cases that go into the 10,000s.

 

Sometimes, it’s hard to celebrate when you know it’s a completely different story for other communities.

It hasn’t sunk in that the lockdown is over. 

I hear the traffic outside, the sounds of people walking and laughing together, and I see the stories on my social media. Everyone has eagerly embraced post-lockdown life – from beach visits to long walks and trips to the nearest ice cream outlet. 

You can think of this lift as a gift from summer – we actually get to have one. 

My chest definitely feels lighter, knowing that the COVID-19 situation was dealt with effectively. I’m grateful for what the government put in place to protect the country and it feels good to know that I can order food again.

But I can’t ignore the occasional tightness in my chest. The anxiety that flares when I think of my loved ones in other countries.

But, I remind myself to look for the light.

In last week’s post, I said the only way I’ve been able to navigate this pandemic is by putting in boundaries and holding on to hope – even if I don’t know what that hope looks like.

So, I’ll take this situation as a reason not just to be hopeful but to be glad. Two months ago, when the first cases were announced, we had no idea what to expect. I was scared and tried not to think of the worst. The uncertainty of the situation was overwhelming.

But two months later, here we are. Most public facilities will be open by the end of this week. I can see my friends again – with a mask, I know – and I can enjoy long walks to anywhere I choose to go. Public transport will be back soon and I’ll finally get to see my best friend.

 

In a world with so much angst and uncertainty, I think it is important to hold on to the moments of hope. To actively remember them and know that better days will come.

 

Yes, there is the fear of a second wave. Yes, I still worry about my loved ones across the world. Yes, the pandemic is still raging on.

 

But, if I focus on this alone and choose to neglect the slivers of light, how will I ever get to see the sun on my face again?